(Written March 17)
May 2005
I am eight months pregnant with our first daughter. I teach Photo I, Photo II, Journalism I, newspaper production and English 11 at Bonneville High School.
One bespectacled blonde student in my photo class asks, "Will you be returning to teach next year?"
"No," I tell her and the class. "I'm going to stay home with the baby."
Another kid, a vocal needler named Brad, incredulously declares, "You got a college degree and a job just to throw it all away for a baby? Man, kids are such a waste."
"Is that how your parents feel about having you?" I ask with a smile.
March 2020
Spring break starts early and will end late. Our evenings are free--an incredible change of pace from just the week before. We stay at home instead of attending dance class, musical practice, youth symphony rehearsals, youth activities, Primary activities, church.
The district announces that, starting April 1, all classes will be available online, and students are strongly encouraged to opt for remote learning rather than returning to their classrooms. Rebekah matter-of-factly states that she doesn't understand how her four band classes would work in an online setting. Ana mourns for her musical, her lack of social interaction, the teachers she has grown to love and will no longer see on a daily basis. Miriam and Winnie more simply state that they feel sad they won't get to see their friends.
My heads is whirling as I check the news this morning, just liked I've checked for updates every morning for the last week or two. So much has changed in such a short amount of time. Our carefully scheduled lives are now much more flexible, but we have nowhere to go.
And yet, I can't help but feel blessed. We will be okay. We are making adjustments every day. We are dealing with something completely unprecedented. But we will be okay.
Besides the material things--food and food storage, a home, books, games, a yard to play in, water--I feel very blessed to be in a situation that enables me to support my children and husband through this time. Despite renewing my Idaho teacher certification every five years, I have yet to return to a classroom of my own.
With Winnie in school full time, this is the first year when I feel like I could have picked up a job--full- or part-time. In fact, I was offered a teaching job at my kids' elementary school last spring. And the principal had previously told me that, if I was ever looking for a job, she would find a position for me. Back before we'd had all our girls, I had assumed I'd at least start subbing at the elementary school as soon as our girls were attending full-time.
But none of it felt right. So now when our children will be staying at home and participating in online school, I can be here with them. I have no obligations to contracts, time cards or salaried positions.
I am a stay-at-home mom. Whereas before the pandemic I used my time to work on our home, volunteer in school, run errands, etc., now I will be my kids' supervisor, tutor and facilitator.
It will take time to adjust. It will be difficult for all of us. But we can do it.
Now more than ever I appreciate the emphasis the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints places on home and family. Family is the central unit, and it is an important part of God's plan. My purpose is to help my children, my husband, myself and those around me to draw closer to Christ and receive eternal life. I feel that these tumultuous times have helped me to see and understand that even better than before.
Don't misunderstand me. I'm not saying that working moms are not fulfilling their purpose. I'm not saying that I'm better than others because of our decision for me to stay home. I'm not saying that my path and my choice are right for everyone. I don't know or understand anyone else's circumstances completely. I'm happy to acknowledge that.
What I am saying is that the Lord has guided me in my decisions. He has led the way for our family to do what is best for us.
My kids are not a waste; they are among my greatest blessings. My degree and my former job (despite its lack of longevity) helped shape me into the person I am today. I am grateful for all the experiences I've had, and I'm sure I will look back at this scary and uncertain time and think the same thing.
I feel blessed.